If your man cheated on you, I'm sincerely sorry to hear that. I know only too well how hurtful it can be to have your spouse cheat on you. But frequently the toughest thing is dealing with the haunting images that appear to continually play through your mind throughout the day and cause you to feel horrible.
What are you able to do to stop this damaging thought process and retake control over your own mind?
Well, I would like to share with you something that is amazingly straightforward, but many people simply do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
If you feel a negative feeling (and I do mean any negative feeling), it is actually because you are concentrating your mind on what you do not want.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating images of it in your mind's eye. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your husband with another woman, for instance.
Even if you are trying to avoid or push away the negative feelings, you're still focusing on the negative outcomes (and therefore only adding fuel to the fire). As an example, if you decide that you need to avoid feeling hurt again, your brain must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.
This is how focusing on what you don't desire creates destructive emotions.
If you'd like to stop this self-perpetuating cycle and end the painful feelings and betrayal, you need to instead change your focus to what you do desire.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you probably desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it might be like to feel happy or to feel loved.
This will cause your mind to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you realize you are concentrating on what you do not need.
Then you stop and ask yourself, "Okay, if this is what I don't desire, what do I want?"
Then you start to focus on what you do want.
This may be tough initially, since the counterproductive feelings you are experiencing have a type of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this will become simpler with a bit of practice and you can start to eliminate the agonizing feelings and horrifying thoughts that rush through your mind after your partner's affair.
You can start to notice whether you are concentrating on what you desire or what you don't want, and when you notice your focus on something you don't want, you can start to purposely change it to something you do want. With continued practice, you can begin to move your life in a positive direction which will help build a starting point for happiness and love in the future.
What are you able to do to stop this damaging thought process and retake control over your own mind?
Well, I would like to share with you something that is amazingly straightforward, but many people simply do not realize, and that's what is accountable for all negative feelings.
If you feel a negative feeling (and I do mean any negative feeling), it is actually because you are concentrating your mind on what you do not want.
You see, when you concentrate your mind on what you do not want, you are imagining what you don't want and creating images of it in your mind's eye. This just reaffirms those haunting pictures of your husband with another woman, for instance.
Even if you are trying to avoid or push away the negative feelings, you're still focusing on the negative outcomes (and therefore only adding fuel to the fire). As an example, if you decide that you need to avoid feeling hurt again, your brain must first imagine what it is like to be hurt so that you can avoid it.
This is how focusing on what you don't desire creates destructive emotions.
If you'd like to stop this self-perpetuating cycle and end the painful feelings and betrayal, you need to instead change your focus to what you do desire.
Instead of avoiding agony and suffering, you probably desire something like happiness, or a loving relationship. Start to ask what it might be like to feel happy or to feel loved.
This will cause your mind to start imagining all the details of what happiness and love would be like in your life.
This is how you take your focus off of the negative and put it on the positive.
First, you realize you are concentrating on what you do not need.
Then you stop and ask yourself, "Okay, if this is what I don't desire, what do I want?"
Then you start to focus on what you do want.
This may be tough initially, since the counterproductive feelings you are experiencing have a type of inertial of their own. But just like exercising a muscle, this will become simpler with a bit of practice and you can start to eliminate the agonizing feelings and horrifying thoughts that rush through your mind after your partner's affair.
You can start to notice whether you are concentrating on what you desire or what you don't want, and when you notice your focus on something you don't want, you can start to purposely change it to something you do want. With continued practice, you can begin to move your life in a positive direction which will help build a starting point for happiness and love in the future.
About the Author:
If you'd like to learn more about coping with infidelity, please check out my guide to how to survive an affair.
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